i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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