Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
