she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
