I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
