I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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