Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
