HIV tests are more positive than that guy
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
