i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
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