Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
COCAINE IS GR8
Randomize