im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
