And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
