I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i jhust puked up my retainher.
Michael Bay diarrhea
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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