What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
