im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
