You made me cry and you don't even care
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Randomize
