I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Farmville is her only friend.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
