My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
