If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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