either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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