I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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