Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
