It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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