does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
We had sex on a dog bed..
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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