i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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