we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
