My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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