TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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