I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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