everyone is single if you try hard enough
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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