if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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