How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
