He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I wear drunk well.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize