You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
