I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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