I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
