Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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