Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
