i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I just saw a hot homeless man
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
