He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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