So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
