kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
