I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
