omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
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