I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
