***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
