he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
where are you?
Hypothermia
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
