i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
