I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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