She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
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