Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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