if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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