Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
