take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
