good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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