When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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