I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
