your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
