the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Rumble strips road head = magical
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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