At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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