that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
