If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
