i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
