from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Randomize
