For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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