I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
