So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
