is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
