I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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