I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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