i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
