why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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