I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
