I want to walk on stilts...naked
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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